In building a vibrant, abundant community
We at Farmville Gardens have found an excellent model providing guidance for the principle of Consultation, which we define as:
“The means by which agreement is to be reached and a collective course of action defined.”
This Consultation model originates from the Baha’i Faith, a world religion which teaches the oneness of God, the oneness of religion, and the oneness of humanity. Regardless of your spiritual practice, the timeless, proven principles and benefits encompassed in the Baha’i teachings on Consultation have intrinsic value and can play a major role in harmonious communication and superior decision-making practices for our planned tight-knit community.
Consultation cannot be reduced to a set of steps, rules or procedures and is to be practiced with the spirit of Compassion and Love. This is not to say that the way we go about the process does not matter. For Consultation to work best, it is largely contingent on the spiritual condition, attitude, and intentions of participants, with the dominant feeling being Love.
In 1 Corinthians:13, in the Bible, the Apostle Paul wrote about where our minds and hearts should be, which applies to Consultation:
“1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
From the Baha’i Faith, the following quote from Shoghi Effendi helps gives us additional guidance about what participants should bring to their Consultations:
“They should approach their tasks with extreme humility, and endeavor, by their open-mindedness, their high sense of justice and duty, their candor, their modesty, their entire devotion to the welfare and interests of the friends, the Cause, and humanity to win, not only the confidence and the genuine support and respect of those whom they serve, but also their esteem and real affection. They must, at all times, avoid the spirit of exclusiveness, the atmosphere of secrecy, free themselves from a domineering attitude, and banish all forms of prejudice and passion from their deliberations.”
In the book of John, chapter 13, in the Bible, Jesus said,
34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
The following quote by Abdu’l-Baha of the Baha’i Faith, provides more insight of the elements for Consultation:
“The first condition is absolute love and harmony amongst the members of the assembly. They must be wholly free from estrangement and must manifest in themselves the Unity of God, for they are the waves of one sea, the drops of one river, the stars of one heaven, the rays of one sun, the trees of one orchard, the flowers of one garden. Should harmony of thought and absolute unity be nonexistent, the gathering shall be dispersed and that assembly be brought to naught.”
“Every meeting which is organized for the purpose of unity and concord will be conducive to changing strangers into friends, enemies into associates…”
“If a small number of people gather lovingly together, with absolute purity and sanctity, with their hearts free of the world, experiencing emotions of the Kingdom and the powerful magnetic forces of the Divine, and being at one in their happy fellowship, that gathering will exert its influence over all the earth. The nature of that band of people, the words they speak, the deeds they do, will unleash the bestowals of heaven and provide a foretaste of eternal bliss….”
And the Buddha said,
“Like a mother who protects her child, her only child, with her own life, one would cultivate a heart of unlimited love and compassion toward all living beings.”
We can use the practice of Consultation in all our relationships, however, to be effective, the other person or each individual in the group Consulting needs to work sincerely to approach it with a clear understanding of what Consultation is and how to use it. It is a form of full and equal discussion between two or more parties, usually aimed at arriving at the most ideal decision about something. We focus on a common goal – and seek to come to the best decision.
Effective Consultation requires us to draw fully on the best of each participant’s individual qualities of character, especially truthfulness, detachment, respect, humility, patience, and courtesy.
We will use Consultation to explore our thoughts, feelings, and goals. It will assist us in clarifying situations, increasing understanding, resolving disagreements, and making decisions about actions to take. It assists us in sharing our points of view and finding solutions that work, without blaming, arguing, criticizing, or telling one another what to do.
As we individually and as a community develop our skills in Consultation, our communications will become smoother, and there will be more synergy and creativity in our decision-making. Consultation frees us from using strictly linear thinking and makes the best use of each person’s style of working through issues. As we bring up ideas, solutions can start to unfold and develop that would otherwise not have been discovered individually.
Our skills with Consultation will increase in effectiveness with time, practice, and reflection. There are, however, a number of ways we can support the likelihood of having a positive experience and outcome when participating in Consultation.
Full Expression
We have equal voices in consultation, and it is vital that each person expresses what is on their minds and hearts freely in a supportive atmosphere. Withholding our input or dominating the conversation, or unrestrained interruption of others, will negatively affect the outcome. If one of us tends to be more dominant in speaking, we will need to use self-discipline to give the other(s) an opportunity to speak. The less dominant of us may also need to practice assertiveness. Free expression happens when we are each willing to listen patiently, lovingly, and respectfully to one another and not interrupt.
Being both frank and loving supports the effectiveness of our Consultation. This means that we are being honest with one another but not in ways that hurt. Our respect and caring for one another as we speak will assist us to focus on determining the truth and making effective decisions. If any of us gives or takes offense with what one another says, we will get sidetracked into negative emotions and stop focusing on our goal.
Pure Motives
It is also important to ensure the purity of our motives and intentions. If any has a hidden agenda, – an unspoken goal – or we want to manipulate one another, the Consultation is on a weak foundation from the very start. Share with one another if we need support in being detached from a specific outcome. Letting others know we are struggling with detachment or any other aspect is being truthful, and asking for help is often what is needed to move forward.
Also, we need to be very aware if we have developed the habit of manipulation, particularly toward those of the opposite gender. Consultation is not a method to get our own way. We will be wise to change any manipulative patterns we can identify, or it will have a consistent negative effect on important relationships and in participating in Consultation.
Detachment
A distinguishing feature of consultation is once one has expressed a thought or idea, it is no longer “theirs.” In consultation, we let go of our original opinion and allow ourselves to move forward with the goal of building upon each input that increases understanding, which leads toward emergence of a greater solution, idea, or best possible decision.
It is as if there is a central pot where all the input goes, and the pot belongs to every participant. This image supports us in being detached and we can let go of our original point of view as we each share facts and feelings going into the shared pot. Detachment also assists each of us to accept an outcome even though it might not be exactly what we started out preferring.
Supporting Unified Decisions
Once we have made a decision together, each participant must fully support it in attitude, action, and words, or we will never know whether it was an effective decision. In other words, if we come to an agreement, but one of us is not sincere and mentally or physically works against the decision, we can never know why it failed. The outcome could have been due to the quality of the decision or to the disunity of the parties.
Nine Attitudes and Skills that Supports Consultation
- Mutual respect and fellowship; 2. Unselfishness and honesty; 3. Willingness to speak; 4. Listening; 5. Patience; 6. Speaking effectively; 7. Harnessing egotism; 8. Creativity; 9. Non-offensiveness
Even while working within consultation, individuals may grow dissatisfied with the process and want to move ahead and just do what they want. Humility, patience, and self-discipline will assist each of us to slow down and work through the consultation principles to a best, unified decision.
Guiding Principles & Values
One way to achieve consistency and integrity in decision-making is to have shared guiding principles and values among the participants, which can be referenced as a checklist against issues that come up. They become the measuring stick to determine if things are on track and in harmony with values and principles..
Recommended for Consultation
- Pray for the Consultation to be effective and the decision to be wise and unified
- Identify and state the problem or issue precisely so that there is a common focal point
- Gather and review the facts from all relevant sources
- Identify and agree upon any principles or character qualities that are relevant to the matter
- Have a frank and loving discussion and apply the principles and values to the facts
- Turn to God throughout for guidance by praying and meditating
- Make a decision based on the shared principles and values, guidance, and all the input
- Carry out the decision wholeheartedly and in unity, trusting in a positive outcome
- Reflect upon and evaluate the decision at agreed-upon stages, change direction as needed, and assess the outcome
Another inspiring quote from Abdu’l-Baha concerning Consultation:
“They must, when coming together, turn their faces to the Kingdom on high and ask aid from the Realm of Glory. They must then proceed with the utmost devotion, courtesy, dignity, care and moderation to express their views. They must in every matter search out the truth and not insist upon their own opinion, for stubbornness and persistence in one’s views will lead ultimately to discord and wrangling and the truth will remain hidden.
The honored members must with all freedom express their own thoughts, and it is in no wise permissible for one to belittle the thought of another, nay, he must with moderation set forth the truth, and should differences of opinion arise a majority of voices must prevail, and all must obey and submit to the censure, whether in or out of the meeting, any decision arrived at previously, though that decision be not right, for such criticism would prevent any decision from being enforced.
In short, whatsoever thing is arranged in harmony and with love and purity of motive, its result is light, and should the least trace of estrangement prevail the result shall be darkness upon darkness…Should they endeavor to fulfill these conditions the Grace of the Holy Spirit shall be vouchsafed unto them and that assembly shall become the center of the Divine blessings, the Hosts of Divine confirmation shall come to their aid, and they shall day by day receive a new effusion of Spirit.”
Encouraging and Listening
As we engage in Consultation, the following phrases can be used to encourage one another and support effectiveness in communication and influence a good outcome:
- That is a good idea!
- I see what you mean.
- That is an interesting way of looking at it.
- We are looking at this issue from two different angles.
- That is a unique perspective!
- I would like to reflect on that.
- Let me see if I understand.
- I think I need a bit more explanation.
- Perhaps we could take a break and come back to this later.
- Could we pray, and then talk about it some more?
- What are the spiritual principles that apply to this situation?
- It seems as if it would be good to get some more facts.
- I am confused-can you please explain it again?
- Please,help me to understand.
- That was helpful to me.
- You may be right. It is possible that I may be wrong.